


Divergent: The Brute fanfiction

by alisadelise



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Divergent, F/M, divergenteric, divergentthebrute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:41:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28431834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alisadelise/pseuds/alisadelise
Summary: Alicia, an Erudite transfer falls hard in love with a Dauntless brute Eric. Can she handle him or will he be her destruction? **There is going to be a trigger warning on some of the later chapters.**
Relationships: Eric (Divergent) & Original Character(s), Eric (Divergent)/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. The Brute #01 - Boy, you just don't realize what you do to me

**Author's Note:**

> Some info before reading the fic:  
> So my story takes place few years before Divergent. That means that I have taken some similarities from the book “Four” and the biggest change from Divergent is that the three stages of Dauntless’ initiation test are in a different order.
> 
> Also Eric is around 22 in this and he is not a leader but instead runs some errands to Max. Four trains initiates with some other Dauntless members. 
> 
> I don’t remember if it is mentioned in the movies but in the books every Dauntless gets certain amount of points every month, and they can use them to things like tattoos, clothes, hair cuts, etc.
> 
> If I ever continue this story so far that it combines the timestamp with Divergent, I am quite sure this fic is going to follow Roth’s book and movie only loosely.
> 
> Also there is going to be a TRIGGER WARNING in some later chapters, not full chapters tho.
> 
> **If you have any questions or something confuses you, feel free to ask : )**

My jaw dropped when I saw him for the first time. He appeared from behind a corner when Four was showing us around. Four nodded to him but he didn’t bother even glance the other man’s direction. Before he walked past us I couldn't do anything else but stare at him. 

He was a big guy, and tall too.  _ He could crush my small body under him easily. _ He had slicked dirt blond hair, with shaved sides. Black stud piercings were above his right eyebrow and on both ears. His ice blue eyes could freeze you on your spot from across the room. And top of all this he had large, intimidating tattoos on both sides of his neck and forearms.

I was hooked from that very moment.

+++

“Who is he?” I try to sound casual, when I see the blond brute stepping into the cafeteria. I hadn't wanted to seem too stalkery so I didn’t dare to ask about him before. Also he does not have anything to do with us initiates and I haven’t seen him as often as I’d liked, so it’s not like I had had a good time to ask anyways. “Oh, that’s Eric. You don’t want to get on his bad side. Actually I think you should stay as far away from him as possible.” One of the girls on my table answers.  _ Is that bitterness I hear on her voice? _

Eric huh? For some reason I feel that the name fits him perfectly. I keep my eyes glued on him until he leaves, then I continue eating my hamburger in silence.

+++

After a long day of fear facing, Sage - who I met my very first day in here - suggest: “Hey Alicia, what do you say for going to The Pit and have few drinks in The Vain? Maybe we can also take those tattoos we have been talking about.” “That’s the best idea I have been hearing all day. Been in that room of horrors sucked and I really need something to take my mind of that hell.” So we change our clothes to something more suitable for partying and I put on some light makeup.

We head to The Vain, which is already filled with colourful range of people, but we manage to get seats next to the counter. We drink few shots before two guys come to ask us to the dancefloor with them. Music is so loud, I can barely hear my thoughts, so I can’t make any sense about what he is talking about. It suits for me perfectly since I wasn’t looking for chat partner, or any other partner for that matter, anyway. He is a nice looking guy, probably too nice for my taste. I grin to myself because I realize I am thinking Eric again. I haven’t seen him in a few days and as weird as it might sound, I feel like I get physical withdrawal symptoms because of that.

Few hours pass and my feet starts to feel like spaghetti. I can’t remember when is the last time I have danced so much, or had so much fun for that matter. Guys can’t stay on their feet either but only because they are wasted, so we decide it is our time to continue to the tattoo parlor like we planned.

We were supposed to go there on our first week here but it took all of our time to memorize the layouts of the compound and learn how not to act now that we were going to belong to this faction. For example talking about our previous factions is apparently a big no-no. At least not around of the “true” Dauntless’. But when we are alone Sage and I talk about everything. For her being a former Amity and me an Erudite, our worlds have been different like a day and a night and it amazes me every time we find some new differences in our previous lives.

“Do you have an idea for the tattoo?” A woman, who introduced herself as Tory asks to me when I sit onto her tattoo chair. I hand her a quick sketch of a round labyrinth, I drew on the napkin earlier and explain some details I want her to add to it. It doesn’t take long for her to make a suitable tattoo idea of it and it is so much better than I had imagined. She prepares a table next to me and transfers the picture onto my forearm. I hold my breath when she starts tattooing but am surprised because it doesn’t hurt like I had thought. It is actually quite relaxing, numb feeling on my arm and the humming that the tattoo machine makes is really soothing. It takes almost two hours until the tattoo is done the final result is beautiful. I thank to Tori, hopp off the chair and prance next to Sage to see her piece. There is a stunning looking wolf head forming on her shoulder blade. 

I decide to use most of my last points in the hair salon. Sage already cut her hair few weeks back and now they are short and fern green. I think they suit her perfectly.

I have no idea what I want to do with my hair so I give the stylist guy free hands. Soon I watch how locks of my formerly long, light brown hair, fall on the floor, forming a circle around me. He still leaves it quite long, a bit over shoulder height. I am okay with that. I can’t imagine my hair to be too short. Maybe in the future I will try that too. It is only a hair anyway, it will grow back. “What do you say about the color red? I mean really, really red”, the stylist asks smirking at me. I have never thought what would I look like in some bright colored hair. Only Dauntless and Amity color their hair, the latter of course with some organic and natural colors that they manufacture themselves. I nod approvingly and he starts to mix up the perfect color for me. His words, not mine.

“Wow, that really is red”, Sage breaths. “Is it bad?” I worry my lower lip while looking at my new hair from the mirror. “No, on the contrary! I love it”, she smiles at me and I grin.

We rush out of the parlors doors, our intention to go back to The Vein to get one last drinks before we really need to head back to our dormitory. Before I even realize that there are people blocking our path, I bump into someone. “Ow! Are you kidding me? Why do you think that it is okay to hang right outside of the doors? I snap my mouth shut and am pretty sure that my face matches quite well to the color of my new hair, when I realize to who I am yelling at. Of course it has to be Eric.

“Are you fucking with me initiate?”  _ I wish. _ “I...I…” I stammer. “Well?” He asks irritation on his voice. “I didn’t know it was you?” I almost whisper. Eric’s friends break into a nasty laugh. “You, initiate. Come with me!” I blink my eyes in disbelief. Is he serious? “I just bumped into you. It was an accident. Besides, you were the one who were standing in the doorway”, I can’t help myself for sounding like a whiny brat. “Actually it is because you have been drinking. You do know that initiates are not allowed to do that?” I can see that he has been drinking quite heavily himself. Why does he even care? He is not a leader, and he doesn’t train us. “Aww, come on. You know perfectly well that everyone is doing that.” “Are you a snitch too?” “No, I am not!” He smirks at me, grabs my arm and starts to drag me towards to one of the exits. I look at Sage to get some support but she seems as confused as I am. She shrugs and mouths inaudible “sorry” before I lose a vision of her.

Eric doesn’t say a word to me while we walk, so I stay quiet too. First I don’t recognize the hallways we are walking...well striding is better way to describe it. After another hallway I realize that we are heading towards the training room. “Wait. Why are we here?” I try to stop but he continues walking forward with a tight grip on my arm so I feel like some rag he’s pulling with. Stubbornly I try to dig my heels to the ground but that just makes me stumble behind him. For all this time he doesn’t give a damn about my childish act so I give up. 

“So, what should we do with you Alicia?”  _ He knows my name.  _ Like I had figured, we came to the training room and now he just casually leans against the mattresses that are piled up on the side of the room. I stir my eyes at him when he takes a little metallic bottle from his chest pocket. This is so not about me drinking. “You want some?” he hands over the flask, I receive it suspiciously and take a sip. It doesn’t taste good, some weird herb and spice flavoured stuff, but I keep my face straight and give it back to him after I’ve taken another, quite big gulp from it.

“This isn’t about me drinking, so what do you want Eric?” it feels so weird to say his name out loud. “I admit. I don’t give a shit about what you initiates are doing on your free time.”  _ That’s what I thought. _ “So what do you want from me?” I repeat my question anxiously. “It is more about what do you want from me.” I don’t know how to answer to that and after a while he continues: “Oh, come on. Don't play dumb on me. Don’t pretend like you don’t have a massive crush on me”, he smirks and makes me blush again. “Excuse me?” I ask almost inaudibly. “You have been acting like some sort of obsessed, hyperactive teenager every time I’ve been around.” My mouth falls partly open. I clearly haven’t been as subtle as I’ve intended to be.”So what are we going to do about it?” He reaches his hand and brushes a strand hair away from my eyes. “This is a nice color. You look very spicy in it. I get my voice back and stutter: “Erm, thank you. Look...I don’t know what you are talking about. I should go back to The Pit, or my dormitory, or something.” I try to back away from him but he pulls me back by taking my wrists into one of his large hand. He yanks me even closer to him and only after I start to feel dizzy, I realize that I have been holding my breath for a while. So I take a quivering breath while watching in awe how his hand grasps in mine. “Not so chatty now, are we?” His right hand is on my lower back, brushing slowly up and down. I shake my head and look up to his face. “You are tall”, I mumble and mentally hit myself at the face for slipping that one out. 

Suddenly Eric grabs my chin and crushes his lips hard against mine, keeping me in place with hand that is still on my back. When he starts to pull my shirt up I panic and accidentally bite him on his lip. “Fuck! What the hell?” he cries out loud and covers his mouth with his hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect that.” “Well me either”, he spits some blood on the floor. “No...I mean, your hand. I don’t want to…” I can see something change in his eyes. “Well maybe you should have thought that little earlier.” anger makes his eyes hard and burning and it dries the little gleaminess that was caused by alcohol. For a second I am sure that he is going to hurt me but he just pushes me aside, stomps to the door and disappears into the hallway.

It takes me a couple of minutes to realize what had just happened. I touch my lips and a smile rises onto my face.  _ I kissed Eric. _ I practically float back to our dormitory, take a quick, cold shower and try to get some sleep before next day's fear simulation.

+++

I wake up to an eco of Sage’s soft singing in the shower. Whole dormitory seems to be otherwise empty. “Sage? Are we late for breakfast?” I holler and sit up rubbing my eyes. “No, unless you want a piece of that cake.”  _ Well that explains. _ “No, I am just glad if I get some brew or otherwise I am not going to wake up all day.” I stretch, take my toiletries and tiptoe into the showers. While I brush my teeth, I think of the previous night. Did it really happen? Did Eric kiss me? And why?

“Ain’t that a bit strange place to take a girl?” Sage asks in a hushed tone while we take a longer route to the cafeteria. I have told her everything that happened after Eric pulled me away. “I don’t know Sage. I am so confused. I don’t even know how he knows my name.” “Do you normally bite people? Do I need to renew my shots?” I laugh and hide my face in my hands. “Do you think that he might have been so drunk that he won’t remember what happened?” “Do you want him to forget” I think about it for a while and answer truthfully: “No, I would like him to remember.” We don’t talk about Eric for the rest of our way, nor I see him in the cafeteria. So all I can do is wait.  _ In agony. _ Wait for his reappearance and his reaction, if he ever gives any.


	2. The Brute #02 - Sneaking out

I sneak out of the compound. I used to do it all the time when I was still an Erudite. It takes me a while to get where I am going to because Dauntless compound is entirely in a different direction. I start to jog so it wouldn’t take me all night to get back here. After ten minutes of jogging, I start to be close so I stop to not to alarm any factionless that might be close by. I almost have a heart attack when I see Eric right behind me.  _ How the hell did I not hear him?  _ “Fuck! Are you following me now? You scared the living crap out of me”, I snap at him. “No, just happen to head the same direction”, he answers bluntly. “Yeah, right.” I don’t believe a word coming out of his mouth. I continue to the empty side alley while he walks quietly beside me. “So you don’t like to follow the rules then?” he asks. “I don’t know what you mean”, I lie. “At initiation time, you are only allowed to leave the compound when accompanied by a Dauntless member.”  _ Does he think that he is a walking rulebook or something? _ “Well you are here aren’t you?” He doesn’t say anything so I take that he just tried to scare me with the formalities again.

There is this pressuring silence between us while we walk, but Eric decided to join me so I am not gonna be the one who talks first. I glance at him every once in a while and can see that he’s starting to get really pissed off for not getting any attention. Minutes pass and finally he opens his mouth: “Care to share where we are going?” I grin but turn my face away while answering: “You should know. You were coming to the same direction, remember?” He rolls his eyes. “ Okay. Okay. I just wanted to get out a bit”, I answer. “You would risk your initiation time just for going for a walk?” I shrug: “I also wanted to see the stars.” He doesn’t answer.

I lead us inside of a building through a broken window and we start to climb up the stairs. “I used to come here all the time before”, I whisper even though it’s kinda pointless. Yes, there might be some factionless and some of them might be dangerous, but I’m so used to walk in and out of the houses on this part of the city that I’m not worried. Also there should not be any other real danger that the blonde brute next to me.

When we are on the top floor, I step into one of the rooms. Considering all of the dusted boxes and shelves it used to be a storage room. “Well this is a depressing place”, his low voice rumbles near my ear and I squeak, turn around and punch him on the chest making him yelp, tho I doubt that it had hurt more my hand than him. “Why do you have to sneak behind people?” I don’t wait for his answer, just turn back so I can get what I came here to look for. I move around couple of boxes and pull a plastic bag down from the upper shelf. Then I completely ignore a man behind me and rush back to the hallway and up just one flight of stairs, that I know will lead to the rooftop.

I can tell that Eric’s patience starts to end, he clearly doesn’t stand it well when people are ignoring him. I take two moth eaten blankets from the bag, place one of them down and put another around my shoulders before walking on the edge of the roof. He sighs heavily behind me: “Did you really came here to look at the stars?” “Yes, and our city. I love how quiet it is up here, well usually”, I answer and smile to a fed up expression on his face. Did he thought that I’d came here to climb down off the wall or something? “I would think so many other ways to exploit this stunning view.”  _ Or something. _ “Oh, I bet you would”, I say with a hint of sarcasm on my voice.

Eric comes close behind me and wraps his arms firmly around my shoulders. “What do you think you are doing?” “I just thought that I need to hold you so you wouldn’t fall over this edge”, he whispers into my ear and makes me shiver. His closeness is all I have been dreaming for. Literally. Since he has been invading my dreams quite often after I saw him for the first time about month and a half ago.

I snap back to reality when I feel his parted lips moving up and down on my earlobe making me squirm. Suddenly he starts to nibble them gently with his teeth and slowly makes a trail of hot kisses down to my neck. I don’t know what to do. Everything feels so absurd. _Is this even real?_ So I start to giggle like an idiot that I am, and of course that ruins his mood completely. He releases his grip and backs away for few feet grunting. “Sorry”, I try to collect myself but burst out laughing again when I see how murderous his gaze is. “Sorry”, I say again and continue: “this is just so absurd. Why are you really here Eric?” He doesn’t answer so I step pass him and sit down on the blanket I had laid down. After a moment he comes next to me and to my surprise removes his jacked, drops it on the free place on my other side and lays down. He pats his chest as an invite and I give him a skeptical look. “Oh come on, you know you want to.”

I think about his offer for a minute but then take the bait and lay down, my head resting on her straightened arm and my side touching his side.  _ Feels so good. _ I pull the other mothy blanket on top of us, tho he’s really too big for fitting fully under it.

“Aren’t you getting cold?” I ask him after some time. “Nah, you’re warming me up really nicely.” When I start to turn around so I could smack him on his stupid face he pulls me back and says: “Joke Alicia. Are you always that spicy?”  _ Spicy, he used that word again. _ “No, I can be really sweet sometimes too.” He chuckles into my hair. “Can you answer one question for me?” I murmur. “Hmmh”, I take that’s yes and ask: “Did you follow me here?” “Of course I did.” “Why? Where did you thought I was going? How did you even knew where I was?” I babble. “I think that was four questions”. I sigh: “Come on Eric:” “Why? Well I just was curious to know where you were heading. I was sure you were going back to your mother crying how cruel we Dauntless are. I saw you sneaking around while I was heading back to my place from The Pit.” “You shouldn’t drink so much”, I reply. “What?” “You get pretty stupid ideas on your head when you are drunk”, I touch his lower lip to remind him about the last time we were alone and then get better position on his cradle.

+++

“Alicia? Alicia, wake up.” “Huh?” I mumble and narrow my eyes.  _ Where the hell I am? _ “Oh my god!” I scream and sit up quickly. I had totally forgot where I was and with whom. “It’s o-kay? I think Eric tries to comfort me but doesn’t quite get the right tone on the sentence and makes it sound quite out of place. So I laugh again at him. He raises an eyebrow and probably thinks I am a nutcase. “I’m fine. I just forgot where I was for a second. How long have we been here, how long did I slept? “Aren’t you full of questions tonight. I don’t really know the time but my arm went numb a while back, so I guess long.  _ Oh shit. _ We raise up, I gather the blankets and drop them of the lower floor. Then we head back to our compound in silence.

He walks me to my dormitory, I would like to say “like a gentleman” but he did ask if I wanted to go back to his flat to a nightcap, so I wont. Then he gives a light kiss on my forehead and leaves. I watch his back, until he disappears behind the corner and then sneak inside of our dormitory. I fall asleep almost immediately when I have collapsed onto my bed. My last thoughts are that I spent multiple hours with Eric and I still can’t be sure what the hell he wants from me.  _ How annoying. _


	3. The Brute #03 - Not a morning person

It is our fourth week of physical training. At the beginning we tried everything little: throwing knives, shooting and basics of fighting, but after two weeks Four gave us a proper schedule of what we were going to do and when. Fighting seems to be the most dominant activity that we need to focus on. I know that I am already ahead of that because I actually have been practising it about an year now. You would be surprised what kind of things the Factionless who used to be Dauntless are willing to do for currency.

One of our knives had gone missing in our second training week and now Four and Lauren makes us run laps after the training day as a punishment. They wait someone to step up but no one has. We already run in the mornings at the warm up so after every day we are exhausted and most of the initiates just go to dinner and then sleeping. 

After today's training Sage and I rush back to our dormitory and in the showers. Our intention is to get to skip the dinner, hit The Vain and drink a few before we are too exhausted to stay awake. 

I put my damp hair in a messy bun and pull on some easy training clothes. At the finishing touch I throw over my top this neat leather jacket that I had bought a while back. It has this big cowl collar and a sided zipper. On the sides and under the sleeves there is some elastic fabric and the leather itself is super soft.

We stay out couple of hours drinking and chatting with people but when our stories starts to get restless, we giggle like a mindless morons and people think we are batshit wasted, we realize that it is time to head back to our dormitory and go to sleep.

Surprise, surprise, we run into Eric and some other older Dauntless. “Drunk again initiates?” he asks and I have to bite hard inside to my cheek not to say what is on my mind:  _ “Yes, drunk on you” _ . “No, just tired as hell”, I say instead and try to keep my face straight. He looks us suspiciously. “Where are you heading then?” “We are retrieving for the night. As I said, we are tired”, I slur a bit. “You two look like you couldn’t find a door even if it hits you on the face.” “Well maybe you should then escort and tuck us in bed.” I can’t stop the stupid grin raising on my face. Eric clenches his jaw but to my surprise sighs and says: “Fine, lets go initiates.” His friends give him some gleeful looks before continuing their way to the other direction.

We walk behind Eric as he leads the way, and have one of our “silent” conversations that escalates quickly and we burst into a hysterical laugh. The man in front of us suddenly stops and I literally fall on my butt because I bump into him. “You care to share what’s funny?” I wipe water from my eyes, I am still laughing on the floor and can see that Sage tries to muffle her own laugh behind her hand. “Nothing, we’re just tired and laugh just because.” “So why are you sweeping on the floor then?” he smirks. “I bumped into you! And because of that, you should help me up and not ask stupid questions.” He shakes his head incredulously with company of a heavy sigh, extends his arm to my level and pulls me up.

“Why are you doing this Eric?” I ask mostly to myself but he hears me and answers: “You are on my responsibility”. I grin to his answer, The Brute I’ve got to know for these three months, doesn’t give a shit about what we initiates are doing in our free time. “You are full of shit you know.” “Fine”. I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t. Instead he grasps my hand into his, and I decide that that can be as good answer as any at the moment.

When we get in front of our dormitory, Sage slips inside leaving me with Eric who still holds my hand. “You should go to sleep, you look like crap”. I frown at him: “Well, thanks a lot. That’s what every girl wants to hear Eric.” He lets out a low snicker. “Well you are not like every girl, aren’t you?” “Okay, maybe I’m not.” 

He kisses me on the forehead again and when he is taking his leave I decide to poke the ice a bit: “Maybe you should make sure that I get into a right bed. Think if I accidentally go to sleep next to Greg and then I black out. Think of all the horrible things that might happen”. Not really, Greg is from Abnegation and is super sweet to everyone. “So you want me to come to the room full of initiates just to make sure your ass is on the right bed and blanket in the right angle?” “Yes.” He rubs his forehead with his free hand, nods and walks me inside of a dim room. I don’t know how but he knows where my bunk is. I kick the shoes off and throw my jacket on top of the trunk at the foot of my bed. Eric raises the blanket and gestures me to go in. “Can you lie next to me? Just for a while”, I lower my voice so I wouldn’t wake up anyone. I see his jaw clenching. “Fine”, he answers as quietly after a while. I smile at him and lay on the bed. He takes his shoes and jacket off too before coming next to me and then puts his arm around me. “Is this uncomfortable?” I ask to him. “This, no. But these beds are shitty.” “Oh you don’t say.” He covers my lips with his finger and says: “ Sleep now”, and starts to draw circles to my arm. It doesn’t take long before I fall asleep.

+++

“What happened after I had gone sleeping?” Sage asks while we line up for breakfast. “I convinced him to come sleep next to me and he did! He was first sulky as always and I don’t know what happened but he stayed until I fell asleep. He took his jacket and shoes off and everything. It was so unreal.  _ He _ is so unreal. Every time I see him and he starts to speak, my heart starts racing and I forget how to breathe..and talk.. “ I try not to draw attention while I speak but few Dauntless girl turn every once in a while to watch us. “Did you guys talk at all?” “Well I tried to make him jealous by saying that I might accidentally go to sleep on Greg’s bed and he might tarnish me while I am drop dead sleep”, I laugh. “Oh no! Poor Greg, he’s so sweet.” “I know”, I hide my face in my hands and laugh.

I take a large cup of brew and head to find seats for me and Sage. I can’t never eat in the mornings so I am glad we have lunch around noon. Soon Sage finds her way next to me. “So how is it going you and your tattoo boy?” I ask. Sage had had a cute tattooist when we took our tattoos and he had ask her out but now that we have had training it feels like I haven't have the time to ask her about anything personal. “We are taking slow but he asked me out again last night.” “And you let me talk about that jerk all morning without saying anything??” Sage opens her mouth but doesn't say anything, just looks behind me shock in her eyes. At the same time I realize that this side of the table has shut their mouths and clearly tries not to look into my direction. “What is it?” I mutter and turn my head only to see Eric. “Oh.” “So I am a jerk now?” I can see a lopsided smile on her face for a second before he gets his face straight and drops a chocolate muffin in front of me. “Clearly you have no use before getting your brew.” He presses his hand lightly on my shoulder and I lean against it with a big yan confirming his suspicions. It is already a habit of his that he kisses me on my forehead. Then he leaves without saying anything else.

The whole scene doesn’t take more than few minutes but clearly we are going to be the subject of the gossips for the next weeks.


	4. The Brute #04 - The Knife Eric's POV

I sneak into the training room and roam in the darkness so the initiates or Four and Lauren can’t see me. It is only the second week of their physical training and at the moment they are throwing knives. I think this is the best week to know who are capable to handle their weapons. I am surprised that so many are hitting at the target and my gaze trails to the room’s only redhead. If I didn’t knew better, I’d say that Alicia has been practising way longer time that she actually is. I sneak a bit closer, still staying in the shadows. If someone sees me, they are smart enough not to open their mouths.

It is mesmerizing to watch the ritual Alicia makes every time she throws. She takes the knife in her hand and kind of fingers the grip before raising it to the proper height and closes her eyes. She breathes slowly few times then opens them and almost immediately throws the knife to the target and it hits right where it should. Of course she needs to be quicker if she wants to have good points but I guess this is a good start. 

I walk around the training area and take my second lap towards the initiates when they start to stop their training. My intention is to go and exchange a few words with Alicia but she keeps practicing while most of the others are leaving for dinner, so I stay on the side and lean against the pilar waiting her to finish.

It takes around five minutes when Alicia stops and takes a long glance around her. Three of the other trainees continue throwing, what is, in my opinion, a good idea. They haven’t hit the target even once while I have been in here. I almost miss Alicia putting her last knife into her thigh pocket. I look with interest how she collects all the other knives from the floor, takes them to the table and leaves the room. I jog after her, but don’t don’t get too close. I want to know where does she needs it but need to change direction when she disappears into their dormitory. Can’t be seen in there. Bummer. Oh well. I will find out at some point.

+++

I follow their training for half a week. Four and Lauren punish all of the initiates because of the knife. They need to take laps after the long day of training, until someone comes clean. I am positive that Four has seen the surveillance camera footage but wants her to tell on her own but Alicia won’t cave even then. 

I also tail Alicia few days, but all she does is train and hang out with few of her transfer friends. No-one seems to be threatening her and she doesn’t sneak out so I doubt that it is because of the factionless either.

The whole thing annoys me so much that one day I decide to sneak into the initiates dormitory while they are training, to check if Alicia still has it. One option could be that she has given it to someone, even tho I haven’t seen it, it doesn’t mean it couldn’t have happen. I step between the beds and realize that I have another dilemma. What is Alicia’s bed? Hastily I check every trunk and in the half way of the room, I find a familiar leather jacket that I had seen her buying the other day. I rummage the whole thing but can’t find it anywhere. Who would have been so important that she had gave the knife? Her family? Either she has hide it somewhere or it is a goner but if I don’t want to get caught I better get going.

+++

One night I happen to see her sneaking out again but unfortunately I have my own errands to run, thanks to Max, and I need to head the opposite direction of her. 

It takes me forever to complete this particular errand. Max usually wants me to go and search anything pre war-stuff from old, half collapsed buildings and it is really rare that I find anything really good but this time Max’s hunch is spot on and I find these old army logs.

I get back to a compound, practically shove the papers to Max and rush out before he gets to give me any more work to do. Then I go to the control room to see if Alicia is on their dorm or any places I know she hangs with her friends but can’t see her so it is a big change that she is still out. Four looks at me suspiciously but I leave him to think whatever he wants and head to one of the compounds lesser used entry’s. Of course she can come in from any one of them but I believe that she is smart enough to use this one.

I wait a long time behind a corner, until I hear someone sneaking in. I carefully peek out and see her disappear behind an opposite corner. She is bruised, pale and trembling. I sneak behind her and after a while, ask quietly: “What the hell happened to you?” she jumps from surprise. “So you enjoy that? Scaring people, Actually don’t answer that”. 

I measure her, head to toe and decide that it’s best if I take her to my apartment. If I take her to a medic it raises too many questions. I grab her arm and nudge her to follow me. “Where are you taking me? I’m pe-perfectly fine”, her teeth chatter. “You are shivering from head to toe. I’m taking you to my flat”. I keep leading her onwards and hope that she will tell me what had happened to her when we get in my place.


	5. The Brute #05 - The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *trigger warning* *talk about self-harm close the the end of the chapter*

One of the nights I sneak out again. This time I just need some air and stretch my legs a bit. I walk around quite aimlessly and suddenly hear something behind me. At first I think it’s probably just Eric who has followed me again. Truth to be told, I wish that he’d followed me but I haven’t seen him after the night in the dormitory. I continue walking and check a few doors and windows as I walk but every place is locked. Suddenly I hear the same rattling noise again. This time, around the corner comes three factionless men towards me. “Look Alvin, there’s a little Dauntless girl all alone”, man points his finger towards me and another one with almost toothless mouth talks: “Are you lonely, maybe you could use some company little girl, I know I do”. 

They spread so they can block my path. Behind me is just a big building, I had managed to corner myself. Fuck! Okay, what are my opinions. I check my surroundings but can’t see anything that I could use at my advantage. Should I play fearful or fearless. If I play fearless they might get provoked. Can I beat them in a fight? Do I even have any other choice?

I surprise the toothless one by hitting him hard on the throat and try to take a run for it but a ginger man grabs me by my hair and hits me on the face with force. I smother my scream and kick him on the crotch to get him to release me. The third guy is younger, he tries to grab me but I dance aside, stomp on his foot and run past them. 

I know specific parts of the city very well but now I have truly got myself lost and probably deep in the factionless territory, when being in my thoughts. I need to get higher ground quickly. I keep running as fast as I can but I still hear the factionless men somewhere behind me. They are in good shape, maybe been Dauntless before.

I finally find a door that is partly open and sneak in quietly. I hear talking from the other side of the hallway and rush quickly on the stairs and start to climb up. At the highest floor I find the door to the roof and try if it’s open. To my luck, it is. I step out to the roof and walk on the edge so I can see where I am. I can see the Erudite compound from here so I decide that I head there first and continue to my own compound from there, when I know that no one is following me.

Just as I turn around the factionless men, now four of them come out of the door.  _ Shit. Shit. Shit.  _ ”Okay, calm down. You can handle this”, I whisper to myself. 

I walk towards the men who are smirking at me in front of the door, then turn around, sprint and leap off the building. I try to take a grip from the next building but my fingers slip every time and I fall three floors down before getting a good grip on the window sill. I shiver.  _ That was too close. _ I didn’t think this through but to my defence, I didn’t have the time. I try to pull myself up with no luck, and the gap between my feet and the window below me is way too long. Just before I start to lose my hold, I realize that I can leap into the window under me, just need to break it. So I tighten my grasp, lift my feet up and jump horizontally against the window. It breaks after a few jumps and I drop inside.

I check that there are no deep cuts anywhere from the glass and then rush down the stairs and towards the Erudite compounds.

+++

I tremble when I get back to our compound. I try not to raise suspicions while sneaking in the corridors but at corners I crouch and check that the hallways are empty, usually no one realizes to look for the floating heads on a knee high. Of course there’s still cameras everywhere and if Four is in the control room, nothing gets by him but at least I don’t need to deal with anybody else right now.

“What the hell happened to you?” I scream from surprise. It is Eric, creeping behind me again. “So you enjoy that? Scaring people, Actually don’t answer that”. He measures me with his eyes, pulls me up, and starts to lead me along the hallways. “Where are you taking me? I’m pe-perfectly fine”, if my teeth weren’t chattering so badly, he might have let me go but of course he notices and says: “You are shivering from head to toe. I’m taking you to my flat”.

His “flat” is a small and chaste one room apartment, but a main wall covered by windows makes it seem a lot bigger than it is. He has just a handful of furniture. Left from the door is a brown leather sofa and in front of it, a massive, wooden, coffee table. Next to me is a low bookcase with some books, that is probably the only thing that notes guests, if he ever has any, what his previous faction was. A semi large bed is on the other end of the room, next to a window, and next to it is a metallic wardrobe. A small kitchen cabinet is on the right side from the door and against its outer wall is a dining table, seated for two, though I am pretty sure that he rarely uses it for its actual purpose because it is full of folders, maps and other important looking stuff. There is also a door in the end of the room, next to a kitchen area, and I assume that it leads into the bathroom.

Eric sits me onto the sofa and goes to the kitchen getting something from the cold. When he comes back, he is holding two beers and a bottle of water. He sits on the coffee table and hands me one of the beers and the water bottle. “Where were you?” he demands to know. “Out”, I mutter. “Did someone attack you?” “Yes, few factionless. And then I jumped out of the building”, I say without thinking. “What?” I can see anger from his eyes but I am not sure if it's addressed to me per se, so I continue: “They were chasing me and I was lost. So I climbed to this tall building and thought I had lost them. I saw where I was and as I was about to go back they came to the roof. There were even more of them so I did not have any other choice but jump to the next building.” I take a sip from my beer. “You could have died. Look at the condition of yourself”. I sigh: “Well I might have calculated the distance between the buildings a bit wrong. But I am fine Eric, just scratched.” “And dìrty. Do you want to use my shower?” “Only if you promise you don't have any ulterior motives”, I raise my eyebrow. Eric nods, and goes poking something from his cabinet. “These are hella big for you but do you want some colleges or is t-shirt fine?” “T-shirt is just fine.” He throws me the shirt and gestures me towards the bathroom saying: “There are towels in there. Don’t be too long or I will get bored and need to come there with you.” I can’t help but grin and roll my eyes at him.

I quickly rinse my mouth with his toothpaste. Then I peel off the clothes I was wearing and carefully turn his shower on. I am surprised that it gives immediately warm water, unlike our stupid ones, that you need to run forever even to get a luke warm water. But we usually don't even have that much time. I step in and sigh. The shower gives a nice pressure and massages my shoulders that are tense from training and tonight. I’d like to stay under it longer but I don’t want to be rude, he probably needs to use it too.

I step out of the shower and start to dry myself until I realise I have a problem: I have been a self-harmer for a long period of my life and of course that means that I have scars all over my arms and thighs. I curse to myself, how the hell this kind of thing could have slipped out of my mind? I look at my own clothes. I could just put them on and leave or I could face him and stay. All I can think is his face when he sees the scars. How repulsed he must be. A demanding knock on the door snaps me out of my crisis. “Are you okay in there?” he asks. “Erm. yeah..just..just gimme a second”, I stammer. I feel like having a panic attack while pulling his shirt on. If he rejects me after seeing this side of me, that I have shared with only a few people before, then be it. I am going to be brave and do this. I collect my clothes from the floor and open the door without meeting his gaze. The reaction I had been waiting for, never comes. He just walks past me and closes the door behind him. 

For a while I just stand there bemused. He must have seen them because I didn’t try to hide them in any way. I walk to his bed and clamber in, not knowing what to think about the whole thing. The bed feels comfortable after our hard bunks. After a while my eyes start to get heavy and I drift somewhere between dream and awake.

Thump on the other side of the bed yanks me up from the cottony state that I had fallen. “You know, I knew that it was you who stole that knife.” he says. “What?” I whisper almost inaudibly. “You weren't that stealth Alicia.” I don’t answer him. This is it. The moment of truth. I don’t know if the worst scenario would be that he rejects me or that I get kicked out from the Dauntless. “Why didn’t you say anything? You have had weeks to report me.” “I wanted to know if you were in some kind of trouble but you never seemed to use it. Then I got bored and thought that I’ll get my chance to lecture you about it in the future. Guess now I know where you needed it”, he shrugs. “So are they going to kick me out?” I still don’t dare to get up and look at him. I don’t want to see the expression on his face. “Because you stole a stupid knife?” There is no loathing on his voice, or anger, just pure confusion. “Because..the other thing”, I stammer. “Why the hell would you think that?” I don’t answer. After a moment of silence he answers: “First of all, no. No one is going to kick you out because of self harming. And second: If you treat it as a flaw, a weakness, then you definitely don’t belong here. More than anything you should accept the weakness and turn it into a strength.”  _ Does this mean that he is okay with this? _

“Could you look at me?” His voice is soft, different than I have heard it before. I carefully sit up, squeezing the blanket tightly against my chest. I turn my face towards him but don’t make eye contact. “What are you afraid of?” he asks. “Nothing..I mean, I should be brave, right?” A shaky laugh escapes from my mouth. “Brave and fearless aren’t the same thing. Bravery means you learn to fight through your fears. If you aren’t afraid of anything, it means that you are either stupid or just cocky and that gets you killed sooner or later. I nod to his words. I had been stupid today, acted like nothing could hurt me, like I was invincible. I don’t say that the better conclusion was to get beaten and what else by The Factionless, I should not have gone there in the first place.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I snap out of my self pity and answer: “I don’t talk about it with a lot of people..but for you, I can make an exception, if you really want to know, I mean.” “I wouldn’t ask if I did not want to know.” “Ask me anything then?” I wonder how much I can tell him. Can I really trust him not to use my own words against me? “When did it start?” “When I was 13 or so.” I analyze his expressions carefully but it doesn’t change. “What made you do it back then?” “I was never exactly wanted at  _ home” _ . I don’t know if he catches the word I accidentally empathize with. “So did it help you to escape?” “Yes.” “Was your home the only thing that you wanted to escape?” I think about his question for a while. “No. It was more than that. I never belonged there. I started fights, run away a few times. I didn’t feel to myself when I was there. ” “Do you feel to yourself now?” “I do. I always knew that I belong here. It was the only thing that kept me going last year.” “But you still stole the knife. What for?” I ponder his words for a second and answer: “The dark thoughts are still there. All the bad, compulsive thoughts that got imprinted on me back then, are still present. Just quiet now. And they will rise at some point and hurt me again.” “If they hurt you, why do you do it yourself?” “It is a pain that I can’t locate. It's just in me and when I..cut, the pain changes and I can drain the bad thoughts out..” he continues my sentence: “until they come back again.” “That’s right.” “Okay”, he says and asks: “What kind of thoughts are in there then?”  _ So personal. _ “Uhm..well they are kind of voices and some  _ say _ that I am not good enough, that I am worthless, or nobody wants me or that everyone just uses me.” I say in a low voice. A lonely tear rolls down on my cheek and before I can catch it, Eric wipes it off. “Was that all you wanted to know?” “No but we can talk later. I think I understand you and your actions better now. Are you okay?” he takes my hands in his. “Yeah, I think I am just tired. I’m not usually crying about this”. 

He strokes a strand of hair away from my eyes and I wipe a small amount of toothpaste from the corner of his mouth. I’m quite sure he won’t make any straightforward move on me because of how I’ve acted so I gather my courage and lean in to kiss him. He kisses me back. I lean away and ask: “So I don’t repulse you?” “Because you have scars? Everyone has them. For sure every single Dauntless has at least, they just tell the story of who you are and it only matters how you carry them.” “Well, when you put it that way.” “Can I see your scars?” he asks then. I hesitate but it feels that I can truly trust him. I doubt that he warms up any girl this long, just to get laid. I slide the blanket off of my feet and he glances down to them. I guess that if you want to be harsh, you could say that my thighs are my masterpiece, that’s where most of my scars are because not just anyone can see them. “Can I touch them?” he asks then and I nod carefully. He brushes his fingers gently over the large ones and then draws them scar by scar. No one has ever touched them and suddenly an overwhelmed feeling brushes over me and I start to cry silently. Eric stops: “Did I hurt you?” I shake my head no and collect myself: “That feels so good. I have..no one..you are the first person who I’ve allowed to touch them. I was sure that when someone sees them they are repulsed by me and run away.” To answer me, he bends down and kisses them, one by one again, and I smile through my tears because that feels good too. He raises and does the same to the scars on my arms. Then he kisses me.

+++

Next morning I wake up to the smell of eggs, bacon and fresh brew.  _ He cooks?  _ I sit up and rub my eyes to get the sleepiness out of them. Then I tiptoe into the kitchen where I find Eric making us breakfast only in his black boxers. “You really cook?” He chuckles and turns around to kiss me. He tastes like brew. “Oh shit! What is the time?” I remember that there is training where I’m supposed to be attending. Eric calms me down by putting his hands on my shoulders. “You are not late. I would have woken you up in a few minutes anyway. Now sit down and I bring you some breakfast and brew. I threw a shirt on the sofa if you need something instead of that wrecked one of yours.” “Thanks.” 

After breakfast we enjoy a slow morning next to each other's company on the sofa. It’s probably the first morning after I’ve come in the Dauntless compound, when there is no immediate rush to anywhere. We chat and make out a bit and when is the time, Eric walks me to my dorm so I can change my clothes before training. On the door we kiss and he rushes back where we came from. Some errand from Max, he said. I change my clothes quickly and jog to the training room. I can’t wait to tell Sage about last night.


End file.
